epitome
by FivePastTwo
Summary: I am many things to the only person I have ever loved. Illumi/KilluaxGon


**epitome**

**summary: (**I actually had a hard time coming up with this short summary. I know. My brain is very, very fried**) **I am many things to the only person I have ever loved.

**Words**: 859

**edited**: _1.26.2014 it became 925 words._

**World:** Time frame is during the Hunter time-exam.

**Warning**: OOC. Erhmmm. A lot of things. No pairings. Just some friendship fic and slight look at Illumi's perception because I am always curious about him.

**A/n.** Please tell me what you think about it and where I've been wrong and how to make it more Illumi. :D Thank you for reading in advance! *insert big hearts*

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**epitome**

**by:**_ FivePastTwo_

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In every human is a cruel being, emerging in the deepest parts of our psyche and hearts. Humans judge and hate as easily as leaves fall from the trees. I have been judged and judge I did. I am an epitome of Death as I take life away from a fellow breathing thing.

I pass on judgment, whether they could live or not.

And people pass judgment on me too. Whether I am human or not.

What would hurt more?

Of course the former. I am only being judged as what I really am. I don't feel the fickle things I was told were called emotions. They call me names, I call them truths.

A killer.

A murderer.

I do it well and do them perfectly.

Those words are compliment to my ears.

For somebody like me where Death is nothing but as normal as taking a breath, other humans think I have no other regard for life. But that is where I'd like to tell them wrong. I respect my father and my mother but I have only ever truly loved one person in our unit. I love my little brother as what any brother should. And when he turns and looks at me with hate and fear pooling in his eyes, with loathing brimming at the top. I am _proud_.

Did I mention, _I_ raised him to be what he was?

A killer.

A murderer.

An assassin.

I don't know how to show my love. I only know it as it is, because I know he was the only one who have made me feel this un-passing thing deeper than the fickle feelings other people feel. I am many things to the only person I have ever loved.

A mentor.

A hurdle.

A boon.

And _fear_.

I am his greatest fear, my love has smothered him to runaway. He was the animal backed in a corner, he had nothing to lose and therefore he took his chance. This little things don't bother me at all. I raised him to be what he was. I know the way his mind gears up, his anatomy is what I made, my masterpiece. I have him tied in invisible strings, he can not run away.

I let him go but as any puppet my wayward brother had no control. He can move because I loosen my strings, he can laugh only because I allowed him to. I let him think he had his freedom, I gave him the chance to pretend and _feel_.

I saw him again. A fated coincidence I like to call it.

Something had changed in this little brother of mine. I smell something in the way he thinks, in the way he moves. He feels as though he was something else. He forgets what he was. He forgets the identity I forged into his system.

I am baffled, I am confused.

He laughs as any other normal boy. And he thinks he was not what he was.

I realize I call my brother, as my brother. And I have been many things to him.

A mentor.

A hurdle.

A boon

And _fear_.

But I was never what I was supposed to be. If perhaps, we were not born and raised to be what we are now, then perhaps I could be what my greatest desire in the world is.

_A brother._

As I look at what my brother thinks is his friend that he would never leave, never kill, never hurt and never betray, think all those foolish thoughts little boys think of their so called friends. I thought to make this child a part of my many conquests. I raise my hand ready to strike, ready to kill, ready to end and look him straight into his eyes.

He asks me things, asks me questions and make demands that were what real-life brothers would ask and I felt compelled to listen to this little life I could easily take away. Have my father ever scolded me? I can not remember. But this child had yelled for me to answer, to apologize to his friend who I only know as my brother who I raised and loved. I raise up my hand again, this time ready to gauge out his beating heart. It would be just too easy to kill him right then and then.

He was _weak_ where I was _strong_.

But he had something I had always wanted.

I put my hand down and look him square in the eyes. Instead of seeing the child, I see my brother and feel what this child was to him. For the first and last time in my life. I became what I always wanted.

_A brother._

I let the child live for the sake of my little brother, the only one I have ever loved. The child would be killed, betrayed, hurt by what he says is his friend. He does not know my brother as well as I... or am I wrong?

Of course I'm not.

I raised my brother to be what he was. And this little thing proved how easy it is to be a brother... But that does not fit in the life of what we were born to be. It is easy but impossible. And in this little slip up I have of giving into my want. It shall be my last.

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I am a killer.

A murderer.

An assassin.

And though I won't tell any one else.

I had been what I always wanted.

A brother

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**end**

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**epitome**

**2013**

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End file.
